Our new life in the UK

Tim Wells is a South African born British Citizen. Essentially, he is a South African who grew up in Durban. He is an actor musician and has sacrificed an established 22-year career in the performing arts to move to England and live in the Somerset countryside. Here’s Tim’s story …

Debi (my wife) and I felt that our autistic son would benefit hugely from the special needs school we have found in Bath called 3 Ways and it is proving to be a massive success. We felt that a move here would be the best for all our futures (we also have a 13 year old daughter), in light of where South Africa appears to be heading under the appalling leadership of Zuma’s ANC.

So perhaps the question could be asked: “How are you finding your new life in the UK ?”

On the whole it is proving itself to be the very best decision of our lives. That doesn’t mean it is easy. We miss our friends and family, a strong network of a lifetime, our established careers, etc.

What are some of the challenges and adjustments you have had to process thus far?

Narrow roads. New rules. I am not mad about driving here – what’s with this middle lane rule? If there is one thing we were spoilt with in SA it is independent travel arrangements. Here in the UK public transport is the norm and makes complete sense to use much of the time. It is extremely efficient and reliable yet I cannot stand having to share personal space with strangers. I hate air travel for this reason. As I type, the fellow beside me on the train is sniffing and periodically blows his nose. My OCD alarm rings and I am psychologically battling off the cold virus already. But we have our car and we are getting used to the roads and protocol … and we have built in Satnav!

What would you say are the key advantages of living where you do now?

I feel safe. I feel secure in the knowledge that I am part of a functional democratic state which serves its taxpayers to a convincing degree. Not flawless by any means, yet functional. Every time I go to Mikey’s school I am humbled and amazed by the dedication and nurturing spirit of the people involved, profoundly moved by the range, the spectrum of challenge and disability of the attendees. It’s an exercise in putting one’s own challenges into perspective and seeing just how high some mountains are to climb. Humbling to see how some angelic humans dedicate their lives and careers to making our lives better.

There is great beauty here as there is all over the world, and then of course there is the rich culture and history which is awe-inspiring. I am still amazed at this daily.

One of challenges and adjustments to process in our new life here is the separation from friends and family. It is great that we have family and friends here in the UK but we shall miss the spontaneous popping in and casual weekend arrangements that arise out of living in close proximity. The “what are you doing this evening?” call at six thirty suggesting our mates pop over for a curry is hard to replace. Here, to meet up takes some planning and expense. So we look forward to the “stepping stones” of visits from special people – some already marked on the calendar – from within the UK and SA. Looking forward indeed …

Only some will have an inkling of the multi-layered emotions and decision making that we have gone through to be at this place in our lives. It has to do with sacrifice and carefully thought out priorities as to what we believe with conviction will be the best for our own and our children’s futures. It is a roller coaster of pain and loss while also offering wonder and adventure. It involves a scary sense of displacement and alienation and a surprising and comforting assurance that we are looked after by a functional state. Obviously it is not flawless, but pretty darn impressive on many levels. Only those who are parents of a special needs child will know about the limitations of daily life and the stark uncertainties of the future, but here we feel assured that there is at least a working social system in place that overtly and quite comprehensively caters for these needs, now and into the future.

As we find our feet on this chilly, rainy isle, I still keep an eye on the country of my birth and entire life, and I still fume and rage at the obscene waste of a hard won democracy that could have done so much better. I feel chased out of SA and I worry for those of my friends and family who either cannot leave or have chosen to stay behind. I am pessimistic about SA’s future – there is no way around that, but I admire the sentiment of those who feel they must remain to contribute positively.

I can only implore the citizens of SA to vote out the ANC – there may be some hope if the country is run by a functional democratic party. My firm belief is that Zuma and his cronies’ ANC are killing SA – and fast. My call to Africa – and for obvious reasons – especially South Africa, while observing from afar has been thus: Africa, learn from your artists. Your musicians, poets, sculptors, playwrights and painters. People brave enough to speak to the world through their work, seeking truth and offering wisdom and insight. Taking their skill and making something out of it … even a living. Sure, some may have been privileged enough to receive an education, but maybe that education only served to hone some inherent voice that already knew what to say.

Do Something For Yourself! Do not wait for someone to hand it to you in pity or guilt. Do not expect that they had any better chance at self-determination than you did … they may have … they may not have. They might have had different yet equally challenging obstacles to overcome. Do it yourself. And do it for yourself so that others may learn and do the same. In so doing, your actions are not merely self-serving.

Grow. Share. Save. Be. You. From a basket weaver, to a teacher teaching creatively, to a hip hop culture wordsmith, an opera singer or Jazz virtuoso. Sing, play, cultivate your kaleidoscope of diversity. Share in your bounty but first make it bountiful. Take care of doing things right and then reap. Sow. Reap. The things I see you reap too readily are the sown seeds of cronyism and corruption, of blind partisan loyalty painted with a heavy brush of creed and colour, of in-group playground gang-style bullying.

Listen to your artists first and maybe you will not need to call so regularly on the strong arm of the law to be the arbiter of justice. Listen to your artists crying for unity and freedom. Crying for a land without fear or favour. A land which feeds and nourishes its children. Listen to their form and angle, their rough-hewn wooden mask and sun baked clay pot, their painting of a presidential flaccid wind sock in the breeze, their cartoons of fools who make expensive decisions with your taxes. Listen to their awesome elephants whose crumbling forms whisper sadly of your lost priorities and greed-laden power grid. Listen to them, before they all run away and leave you to consume yourself into oblivion.

So now we hunker down and prepare for the long UK winter, waiting for visits from friends and family here in the UK and those special visits from the people we left behind. The uncertainty is immense – but then that’s life, is it not?